


To the Boy I Once Loved

by milkygae



Series: October is for Wolfstar (Inktober prompts as wolfstar fics) [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Marauders - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Heavy Angst, Letters, M/M, Memories, Moving On, Moving on (but not really), POV Remus Lupin, Something bad happened, Tears, This not a vent or is it, Tragedy, Wisp - Freeform, Wolfstar makes me cry, Writing a letter is therapeutic you should try it, reflections, sirius black - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26831455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkygae/pseuds/milkygae
Summary: He has a million and one things to say so he writes a letter. He loves him and that is killing him. He will wait for the day death greets him like an old friend and he will thank Sirius. He will not cry then, so he cries now.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: October is for Wolfstar (Inktober prompts as wolfstar fics) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957135
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4
Collections: Inktober 2020





	To the Boy I Once Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrEtTy_DaRn_Go0d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrEtTy_DaRn_Go0d/gifts).



_ To the boy I once loved, _

_ Did you know that we never truly see the stars? In our minds they are always there and will always be. Simple little pricks of light, twinkling, night after night. Who could ever guess that their fire will someday burn themselves to dust? You feel like you can almost touch them. Perhaps reach out and hold one in the palm of your hand, like a child with an insect. They’re actually light years away however. Unimaginable as it is, we could spend lifetimes trying to get to them and still fail. We don’t even truly know what they’re like. What we see of them is a distorted sense of their true selves. By the time their light reaches us it’s changed so much that it’s not appropriate to even call it theirs. Pounded by unseen forces, morphed into something unrecognizable. Sound like someone I know? _

_ You used to tell me stories of the moon. A goddess in some, in others just a part of life. As you traced each scar you told me you loved me. Was that a lie as well? . For someone who never knew love you knew how to fake it awfully well. When I said I loved you I meant it, or at least as much as I could. If I didn’t love you then I loved the things about you. Your laugh; deep and throaty. The way you fought to be different and were different from the Blacks. I used to dream that someday you wouldn’t have to bear their name like a scar. You’d be Sirius Lupin and I’d see that rare smile, reserved for me. Looking back, maybe that was a lie too. _

_ You’re a liar, but I don’t hate you for that. I hate you for taking the only part of me that felt human. They say love is endless, but they’re liars too. I gave you my everything and you just took and took. I guess I’m a liar too because I could never really hate you.  _

_ You’ve been gone for so long and it still feels like just yesterday you held me underneath the night sky, as for each star you told me a reason you loved me. I wish you were dead. As horrible that sounds it’s at least a bit true. Death has a sense of finality and if you had passed on I could dream of the memories of us together without waking up in a cold sweat, grasping onto fleeting  _

_ happiness. I could accept that. This kind of betrayal though? This leaves me to dream of what-ifs and other what-nots. I constantly think what could I have done differently? Is there anything I could’ve done to make you stay? _

_ I seem to talk an awful lot about you. Maybe it’s because you are all I have left. I stay alive to keep everyone I love happy, but they’re all gone. Because of you. But because of you I am still here. Nothing feels real except the reality I create in my mind. We buy a house together. It’s a lovely 2 story Tudor house. We adopt children who are like us when we were younger. We show them what love really is and this time you don’t lie. We teach the next generation the simple truths and all is well. It all feels so real, so close. It feels like it’s right in my grasp, yet it’s so far away, just like the stars. I have been broken so many times before, but you will always be the one that hurt most. _

_ Love, _

_ Moony _

  
  


Remus smiled for the first time in a long while. Did anything really matter? The candle dripped in tune with his tears and the silence seemed endless in the dark room. He held the parchment with the ink still wet up to the flame. As he watched the wisps of his love for the boy he once knew fade, he thought of a fiery black haired boy holding a brown-haired one for the first, and last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Aha I hurt you (I hope) This is for somebody who *loves* angst <3 #Sorrynotsorry


End file.
